Building empires out of Silly Bandz

Laughing all the way to the bank

Illicitly checking my email at work as usual, I consulted my regular bank of America statement. Bank of America, I commend your commitment to reporting the activity of my ever-dwindling bank statement, but we both know the picture is grim. These emails are as damaging to my ego as they are to my financial prospects, and I could really do without the clutter in my inbox.

Compounding this assault on my psyche are the colorful amorphous rubber bands dangling from counter displays just beyond my register. Easily one out of every five customers grumbles the customary “why didn’t I think of that,” acknowledging the success of Silly Bandz. While I dismiss the product as stupid, the creator is laughing all the way to the bank lining his pockets with platinum Silly Bandz.

Silly Bandz is just the type of scheme I need to bolter my bank account, but I’ll tell you why you didn’t think of “that.” While easily to exploit financially, adolescents are finicky to a fault. Capitalizing on the whims of trend-obsessed teens is about as easy as capturing an erratic insect. Oscillating by the day, influenced by fickle pre-pubescent pop stars, and utterly irrational to most adults, Silly Bandz are the successor to Furbies and Tickle Me Elmo that flash in and out after amassing a fortune for their creator. Then they are promptly piled in the clearance pile to be disposed of in the annals of “remember those bracelets we all collected for roughly 3 months before realizing they were essentially colored rubber bands?” From hording and black market trading to a washed-up cultural icon, Silly Bandz are already losing steam without the incubation of classrooms to feed the trend.


Rubber band bail out

But say you did pinpoint an emerging trend and wanted to amass your own empire of Silly Bandz. Where would you even begin? I, for one, have no access to natural rubber caches, nor the dyes or factories to form the asinine shapes. Ok, so instead you hijack a trend from Asian distributors and bring it to the States with smooth marketing and product placement. I can’t even afford a train ticket to New York according to my most recent Bank of America mailing. Where would I get air fare to China, let alone have the connections to hob-knob with trend savvy distributors and transport the goods back to America?

But perhaps by some miracle your family happens to be taking a trip to China, so you tag along, bump into the merchandiser of your dreams, and are acquainted with next year’s equivalent of Silly Bandz. Plus, you brought an extra suitcase for this very reason so you breeze through customs with your collection of rubber-turned-gold. Now what? Inform the local convenience store owner that this is the “next big thing” and secure an order for millions? You’ll approach someone like me, who will promptly show you to the door. Slap it on your 3 year old niece and hope it catches on in her daycare? What if she develops a rash from the toxins and the other kids ridicule your new product. Dreams dashed to shreds. Plus, a lawsuit in the making that you clearly can’t afford.


Snap back to reality

So thank you, Bank of America, for demonstrating that I need an immediate injection of funds. And thank you, Silly Bandz, for demonstrating that capturing the disposable income of tweens and their parents (albeit briefly) remains possible. The next time I’m in China I will be on the lookout for the “next big thing.” Until then, I will continue to ring out rubber bracelets with a 500% markup for every 3-15 year old wandering into the convenience store.

Which reminds me…what ever happened to snap bracelets?