No IOU's to the HMO

Credit crunch

Let me break down the complicated state of my finances. I take out optimistically short-term loans from my local branch of the Bank of Dad. These loans are secured through an intricate process of excruciating talks about financial autonomy and are backed by my desire to not lose my new car. Essentially, I’m financing my life on margin, one of the contributing factors to the crash of 1929. The Bank of Dad has weathered my financial collapses in the past, however, and always steps up to bail me out.

I do have some collateral in the form of a meager bank account and material assets. Aside from my car, I have an aging laptop and a 2005 Specialized Allez Elite Triple that may boast more personal value than my car. Both of these items are critical to my well-being, as they support my sanity by enabling my writing and riding, respectively. Repossessing those items would cause more harm than good for the board members of the Bank of Dad, of that they can be certain. I also have several mismatched golf clubs from Ocean State Job Lot, and some vintage CD’s I discovered while cleaning out my old car. I’m not sure when scratched boy band CD’s will be worth their weight in gold, but I’m holding out just in case. Consider both of those items investments in precious metals. Ultimately, though, my lack of assets renders my credit line predictably weak.

Plus, despite the recession, credit at the Bank of Dad is tight. Evidently the board members are not Keynesian economists, restricting credit flow when what I really need are several major injections to my cash flow. Just this month, my application was denied for a plane ticket to Colorado and an upgrade to my cell phone. However, as long as I continue to pick up as many shifts as possible and pursue every conceivable job lead, the gravy train has yet to derail. Recently, however, said gravy train has confronted some maintenance issues.

Obama-care

As if I’m not enough of a leech on my parents’ generosity, the President’s extension of health care to all of us delinquents in our early 20’s puts the burden of my insurance back on the Bank of Dad. Now my parents support my food, shelter, and health care-the Bank of Dad is practically running a non-profit devoted to my well-being. For the majority of my life, the relationship between parasite and host has been a harmonious one. I fear Obama-care may tip this precarious balance as my needs make retirement increasingly distant.

My drug habit

As could be expected, I waited to make all of my doctor appointments until I returned home and was safely under the jurisdiction of my parents’ health insurance. I am as healthy as any 23 year old, but still need regular visits to the dentist, eye doctor, etc. Plus, I have semi-annual appointments with an ENT to treat my asthma and allergies. This additional expense translates into roughly $100/month in prescriptions and days when my pulmonary system sabotages my road races. Really, this problem can be attributed to my dad who suffers from the same symptoms, but I can’t accuse the CEO of the Bank of Dad without incurring further sanctions on my liberal credit line.

I don’t beg for designer clothes, but I do require brand-name prescriptions to treat my asthma. I’m not sure how I would support this drug habit without the backing of my parents to subsidize my doctor visits and prescriptions for frequent sinus infections resulting from my overactive allergies. I have to imagine that a lack of funds obligates most people my age have to deny the presence of certain chronic afflictions. Conversely, many afford to “self medicate” with recreational drug use. It’s a shortcoming of Obama-care that while I can transition the burden of my costs to my parents’ insurance, I still confront the extortionist prices of pharmaceutical companies.