Slushie Certification

Put that in your resume and smoke it

So I strip off my piqued polo with the boldly stitched emblem as I walk out of the store. It’s unflattering, and its connotation mocks the value of everything I hoped to achieve by now. But truly what’s the virtue in entering spreadsheet data all day when you can be catering to the needs of a community? A friendly smile can’t be conveyed over data entry, and I can muster a few of those throughout my shift. I’m interacting with a unique crowd every day and managing large sums of money. Honestly, those over-reaching resume adjectives apply more to this job than respectable office employment.

We all know those resume-specific words are disguises for delegated tasks that take moments but are stretched into an eternity, re-formatted, then submitted again. Probably printed several times, bound nicely, and shipped to clients only to be recycled as scrap paper. These tasks comprise a to-do list, checked off with no tangible accomplishment registered. Clients’ needs are placated; upper management is satisfied with lip service.

As a cashier, or “conduit for capitalism,” I’m having a more tenable impact these days than moments in the cube when I mastered Text Twist, or the day that Google featured Pac Man. Plus, I can make a mean cherry slushie.

Cashier turned financier, it’s possible

Lately I’ve been trying to take pride in every task, from customer exchanges to replacing the slushy mix. Last night, however, I reached a breaking point and nearly erupted with disdain for my current station. In noticing Lords of Finance by the register, a couple remarked that my reading selection must be for school. Informing them that it’s in fact a throwback to my academic interest, they exchanged nervous glances and conceded that their nephew has an important job at a reputable multinational bank. My piqued curiosity obvious, the wife sneered, “Well, what would we tell him? The lady at the convenience store wants a job?”

The lady at the convenience store is a phi beta kappa. The lady at the convenience store graduated summa cum laude. The lady at the convenience store won several departmental academic awards. The lady at the convenience store has legitimate qualifications…

Be cool, stay in school

Mere moments after my mental tirade against the stereotypes propagated by middle America subsided, I recognized an awful truth. I’ve been guilty of the same gross generalizations my whole life, compounded by the elitism cultivated by a privileged life and a private college education. I’ve been silently discriminating those behind the counter before I could see over it.

Now I’m the object of parental warnings to stay in school and avoid drugs. Well, kids, stay in school and you too could be making minimum wage. Don’t do drugs and you might get 30 hours/week at a convenience store. How ironic.