Guest Blog: Under-Employed as an Independent Contractor: I Can Do Anything Better Than You….

Thanks to an overachieving but under-employed classmate from Mpls for this hilarious post.
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Pride and Intern Prejudice…

So when I’ve been asked what I’m doing now, I respond, “Well, I’m a substitute teacher, but for the summer I’m a nanny.” And they smirk and say, “So why did you get dressed up for work?” “Ok, well right now I’m working at XXXXX, I swear, I’m not lying.” In the future I will say, “I am an independent contractor,” but there really is no other way around it than launching into this unnecessary story about how the mother of the child (Boy) I’m nannying, over booked Boy’s summer – signing him up for religion camp as well as French camp, in addition to hiring me for the summer- hmph, privileged indeed! Being the intelligent, high powered feminist that she is, and me being the resourceful-college-graduate-desperate-jobseeker that I am, who had sent her my most recently updated resume, this woman took pity on my underemployment and additionally hired me as an intern at the non-profit organization for which she is the executive director.

So a year out of my overly expensive private education (for which I am currently struggling to make minimum payments for) all I have to say for myself is that I am a nanny (slam to my pride since it’s not considered a legitimate occupation) and the independent contractor (aka pitied nanny and fake intern- double slam to my now pretty bruised ego). And thanks to the woman at the front desk/accountant/office Nazi.. I mean office manager, all the other interns now down with the 411 since I’m technically contracted and not on payroll and she opened her big mouth at the water cooler (hence I am now enduring intern prejudice until Boy returns from camp number one and will face it once again when he leaves me to enjoy camp number two). The law school interns are snobby to the undergrad interns and the undergrad interns have solidified themselves into a clique in the back corner and I am left ostracized from the rest of the office, set up on my temporary desk in the conference room… sad.

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better….

My resolution to my situation, you ask? I am the best damn nanny and most efficient intern this woman has ever seen. Since I am not completely computer illiterate, I can thankfully print labels, mail merge (if you don’t know, don’t ask) and file alphabetically and reverse chronologically like nobody’s business. And thank whoever sits in skies above, and of course my single mom, that I went to EVERY summer day camp in the metro area as well as many sleep away camps so that I have deep first-hand experience of what there is to do and what activities exist that could possibly be fun and/or time consuming that can fill my days with Boy. (Seeing as I am up against most probably the future Stalin of the metro area and greater Midwest)
I’ll give you a taste of Boy from rainy day number 3 in a row:

(Power Mom and Power Dad left me a note and their family membership cards to 4 different museums in the area -more of an instruction than a recommendation, as well as an explanation that Boy really enjoys these activities)

Me: So Boy, would you like to go to a museum today?

Boy: No! I hate museums, they are really boring and I always go with my parents.

Me: Well Boy, it’s raining and I think it would be best if we got out of the house for a while today since we chose to play every board game in the house 3 times through.

Boy: Well I think I’d rather not go.
(Boy does not like going to movies, or going to check out toys or cool gadgets at malls or hit baseballs or make play dates with any of his “friends.”)

Me: Boy, I don’t know if this relationship we have is really the democracy you think it is. I think it is supposed to be more of a dictatorship.

Boy: You’re right! It is supposed to be a dictatorship. I am the dictator, and you are my adviser.

Me: (mentally kicking and swearing at myself for taking this job caring for this upper middle class privileged ******… I mean child.)

Things are not looking up in my office life either. I recently finished the project that was expected to fill up 3 of my 4 weeks here in 6 business days. And I cut the other interns’ time of projects down by pitching in on their mountains of arts and crafts projects (stuffing/addressing/stamping mailings). With all mailings up to date and all benefit invitations and fundraiser reminders sent out already, everyone is begging for work. And since I am the only intern here five days out of the week, I get to snag all the other random pop up projects. Muahahahhaa, ok not really, but I do get to beg two more days than anyone else.. I mean, I market myself very well.

And have I mentioned anything about my social life? Oh yea, I live at home and don’t have one. Thank you for listening to me b****, and by that, I mean thank you for reading.